Trips to the Powder Room

About once or twice a month, a meek girl will approach the host stand, or seek one of us out as we roam the floor and tell us in a small voice that there appears to be “a guy in the girls bathroom.” These moments are, as you might guess, very close to our hearts, because it then lies to us, the renegades with XX chromosomes, to investigate.

On the most recent of these occasions, I was the chosen one. A petite brunette click-clacked up to me with a somewhat shocked look on her face and cocked her head toward the ladies room.

“There’s uh…a guy. And I think…well, yeah, there’s just a guy in there,” she told me. I sighed, (secretly excited, naturally) having broken up enough impromptu canoodling for my liking, and abandoned the host stand, intent on whooping some dirtball ass.

The downstairs bathroom has two stalls: one a standard size, and a handicap accessible one—usually the roomier choice for clientele who meet eyes across the cheaply veneered bar during mating season. So, I instinctively crouched to the floor and scanned under the door to the larger stall. And saw not two, but four pairs of feet. Three in stilettos. One in scuffed men’s dress shoes.

I stood up and clamped a hand down on my mouth, trying not to laugh as three distinct giggles and a deep moan arose from the stall. A three-way blowjob. It doesn’t get much better than that.

I took a deep breath, cleared my throat and rapped lightly on the stall door. The giggling stopped for a hiccup of a moment.

“Alright, time to break it up,” I said, stepping back. The giggling returned, there was a prompt zip, and the door exploded open. None of the three girls seemed to even see me; they made a beeline for the door, adjusting their skirts and fluffing their hair, except for the one who approached the mirror and reapplied her lipstick. The lucky guy strolled out past me like the star quarterback on the high-school football field and as I followed them out, he turned and gave me the sleaziest wink I have seen in my young adult life. And then silently pumped his fist in the air.